So much life. So much to live for. So much more to give. Taken from us too soon.
c. Early 1960s.
I feel so fortunate to have grown up with a father that I so admired and adored, and one who loved his children so completely and unconditionally. To me, my dad was always larger-than-life. He could do anything. He could be anything. Once he set his mind to do something, he made it happen. It was as simple as that. I hear stories of how he dreamt of coming to America, but after his family lost most of what they had in the Korean War, there was no one to help him follow his dream. Undeterred, he vowed to move to America and make it on his own. And he did just that.
The other night, I was looking at his freshman yearbook from Georgia Tech, back in 1957. He had found a way to attend school in the U.S., sponsored by a Rotary Club with the commitment to teach the mostly unknown Korean Martial Art of Judo in the States. Of the more than 400 students, there were just two students from Florida, one from Germany, and the rest of the more than 400 students were from right there in Georgia. And then there was my Dad. He must have stuck out like a sore thumb. But he was not one to be discouraged or afraid of anything. I read his yearbook entries with a smile. So many comments about how well liked he was, how many friends he had, and how he was admired for being such a hard worker. My sister and brother and I had a good laugh when we read his roommate’s suggestion that he should “study hard”. Because that is my dad’s signature line. I’m not sure if he got that from his roommate, or if his roommate got that from him. But he must have uttered that line to his children at least 10,000 times in his lifetime.
My Dad arrived in the States with little, but has made so much of his life in the time since. He came to America, worked hard, earned his Bachelor and Master’s degrees in Engineering. He moved to Chicago, fell in love, started a family and became a father of four. Later in life he remarried and was blessed with two more children. During this time, he worked tirelessly to also bring his extended family to America. One by one, from Seoul, he reunited his family in another world. He opened a successful judo and karate school, one of the first commercial Korean martial arts establishments in America. He eventually found his place in the U.S. legal system and did much work in the field of immigration, helping even more families reunite and follow their dreams in this land of opportunity. He became a much sought-after Korean language interpreter, a strong advocate in the Korean community. He made his mark in this city.
I’ve heard it said that one should aim to live their life keeping in mind what their children would say about them upon their death. With that said, I’d like to share with you what qualities Man Ho’s children admire most about their father.
LINDA – his first child. With the birth of a child, came the birth of a father. Linda inherited her father’s unabashed self-reliance.
“I admired his sense of adventure and his wide circle of friends. Whenever we had a nice weekend he would say “let’s go for a car ride” and we would end up in Wisconsin, Michigan, New York, or even Canada. And without a doubt, we would always run into someone he knew and who was happy to see him at this chance meeting. This always amazed me, and thought to myself “Wow, I have such a likable and popular Dad” and that made me so proud of him.
I liked his sense of fairness to his children. He had six of us, and loved each one of us wholly and equally, When he came home from a trip he always gave “his girls” the same gift and a different but same gift for “his boys”. When I asked him why he did this he said it was because he didn’t want anyone to feel bad or slighted about what the other one received, so he just bought the same thing for everyone. He had a heart big enough for all of us.”
MARK – my baby brother. The apple of my father’s eye. Of all of us, Mark is the one who possesses my Dad’s sheer commitment to family and family harmony. Every bit my Dad, Mark would do anything for his brothers, sisters, half-brothers, step-sibling, parents, grandparents, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles. Even tonight, he’s traveling through rain, sleet and snow, over mountain and plain, braving ice, hail, thunderstorm and blizzard to be with his father. When all flights were cancelled, he quickly boarded a train in Seattle to begin a 50-hour trek to be at his father’s side when he is laid to rest. We hope and pray that Mark makes it here by tomorrow morning. Mark would do anything for anyone. As did my father.
“My Dad was one of the most generous people I’ve known and his generosity extended beyond family. He would always go out of his way to take care of both family and family friends. He was extremely dedicated to following through on his commitments even when many such commitment had been favors offered to help other people with no expectations of anything in return. My dad was hard-headed and always wanted things done in a certain way. But his persistence in making sure that things were done in a manner that met his personal standards were always ultimately for the benefit of somebody else. My dad was quite selfless and I will sorely miss him. The world is less a great man in his passing.”
MAX – blessed with an opportunity to have a second family, my dad was overjoyed to have another boy. Max has his dad’s natural ability to win friends and influence people.
“I always admired my dad’s sense of adventure and worldliness. He brought me to so many places and showed me so many great things that I would never have experienced without him. I will miss traveling the world with him, but will always cherish my memories of him.”
MATT – the baby of the family. He has his father’s curiosity and intelligence. So it comes as no surprise that one of the things Matt admires most about his dad is his sharp mind.
“Dad always had a thought to share, whether his insight was about life or an easy way to solve an integration by parts, the immense wealth of information blew me away. Dad’s wisdom was clearly visible the moment I spoke to him and it continued to intrigue me throughout the conversation. Truly, Dad was a fountain of knowledge, information flowed through him and everyone around benefited from even the slightest drizzle of his experience.”
CONNOR – his first grandchild. It brought much pride joy to my dad to become a grandfather.
“My Papa knows what he likes when it comes to food. He like kimchee – but only certain kinds of kimchee! He’s picky about food, just like me. And he like to give Scotch to the neighbors.”
AIDEN – his youngest grandson. A fiesty blond-haired, blue eyed, Korean American boy and every bit his grandfather’s strength, will and determination. Aiden misses his grandfather dearly, and he says, “My Papa is really nice and fun and he makes the best paper airplanes”.
MARSHALL - his “Number One” son. Marshall has his Dad’s self-discipline and incredible ability to focus successfully in many different areas in life. Marshall became an attorney and worked closely with my Dad for over a decade.
Marshall’s Eulogy:
My Dad was a great father, son, husband, brother, uncle, student, teacher, businessman, and all around great friend to literally hundreds. He made a lasting impression on everyone who had the privilege of knowing and working with him. I had the opportunity to meet many of his professional colleagues and associates. They always made a point to tell me how highly they regarded him. These statements were usually quite specific, and were clearly heartfelt and sincere. I would be told: “your father is one of the most intelligent, hardworking individuals I’ve ever known”; “your father has helped me out so many times”; “we all love your father”.
When visiting the offices of his associates, he would never arrive empty-handed. He would show up with coffee and a dozen donuts. He would throw barbecue parties and invite friends to indulge in Korean food. He would often give a book as a gift. I’ve heard from many who were the recipients of such gifts. He would sometimes send me to deliver a book along with his greeting to his friend. During my life, he gave me dozens of books. He would always instruct me to read the books but of course he didn’t need to – the book was always on a subject in which he knew I had great interest, particularly military history and the martial arts.
When growing up, my friends and I became interested in the martial arts. We would sit in the theatre and watch Kung Fu movies over and over, or watch Kung Fu Theatre on TV. But my dad was a real-life TKD expert. My friends would line up just to hear even one story from my dad about his experiences with the martial arts, or to see even one technique demonstrated. Other kids would debate endlessly about whether Superman could defeat the Incredible Hulk. My friends and I would argue over whether my dad could beat Chuck Norris or Bruce Lee. There was never a doubt in my mind – compared to my Dad those other guys were merely punks compared to my dad..
Although he was articulate in two languages, he did have some difficulty expressing his feelings in words. However, it is true that actions speak louder than words, and I would like to give some examples of the actions that told us how he felt about his family.
My father’s number one priority was to provide for his family. He would always make sure we had more than enough. When my brother, Mark, told dad that he wanted some Bubble Yum, dad came home with Bubble Yum. But he didn’t just bring a pack or two – he would purchase Bubble Yum by the caseload. And not just one case. Apparently not knowing what flavor Mark liked, he would bring home two or more cases. Our mom had to hide the gum and dispense it out one pack at a time over the course of the next six months.
When I knew that he was going to take me to Baskin Robbins, I would be sure not to eat too much dinner. He always insisted that I get the Mt. Olympus – the largest item on the menu, consisting of 7 scoops of ice cream, 5 toppings, a banana, and all the trimmings! Then he would challenge me to eat the whole thing. When I go to Baskin Robbins today, I notice that the Mt. Olympus is no longer offered on the menu. I’m sure some other kid hurt himself trying to finish one.
When a new toy would come out, I only had to point out the commercial to him once, and he would have it home with him the next day after work.
This might sound like he spoiled us, but all of these gifts were always accompanied by his admonition that we study hard, go to law school, get at least a master’s degree. When I completed law school, the first thing he said to me was, “Congratulations . . . Do you have any interest in going to medical school?” He believed strongly in education, and he truly believed that an education was the absolute greatest gift he could leave us with. He himself was highly educated, as was his father, Byung Hwa Hong, who was the principal of Yong San High School, one of the most highly-regarded high schools in Seoul, Korea.
He was interested in law, history and geography, and he was a walking encyclopedia of knowledge on a number of subjects. He traveled widely, and had friends and contacts in almost every place he visited, whether in the U.S. or abroad. He loved maps and museums, especially military and aviation museums. Some of my fondest memories are watching war movies and westerns late night with my dad. To this day I never miss a war movie if I can help it.
As Carolyn told you, I had the opportunity to work with my Dad for 10 years. My brother Mark also worked with us for several years. Every time we went to court together, he would introduce me to someone new. He would introduce me as an attorney, and his friend would say, “you must be proud of your son.” He would respond that he was. Over the past few days, looking and thinking back over his life, I now know that I missed thousands of opportunities. So I would like to take the opportunity now to say to all of you, how proud I was of my dad, and how proud I am to be his son. He was greatly loved and admired by all who knew him, and will be missed tremendously.
My sister and brothers have spoken about the memorable impact our Dad has made on their lives. For me, one of the things I’ve always admired most about him, and what I believe makes him so unique as a Korean immigrant, is his ability live fluently and comfortably in distinctly different worlds. He used to say, “When I’m with Americans, I’m American. And when I’m with Koreans, I’m Korean”. And it was true.
My Dad came to America, followed his dream and made a name for himself. He made Chicago his home but lived much of his world within the Korean community. When he first came to Chicago more than a half century ago, there were fewer than 50 Koreans in the city that now boasts over 450,000 Korean Americans. My Dad was a well-known and much respected leader within this community. He was a renowned member of the world of Martial Arts , but also became known locally and nationally for his work as in interpreter in the U.S. State and Federal legal system. His values and ideals were heavily influenced by his Korean heritage, but he raised six very American children. He became an American citizen, but still had one foot firmly planted in Korean soil. He was able to achieve all of this with grace, honor and class.
Growing up, I’ve always thought of my dad as invincible. He was the one who was going to live forever. Never in my mind could I ever imagine my father being anything but what he has always been. Strong, confident, capable, determined, focused, and always in control. So it came as some surprise to me to learn that my dad had cancer, and that this cancer would eventually take his life. But my dad was a fighter, a champion, an eternal optimist. Just one month ago, he asked for help getting out of his bed and onto his exercise bike. While peddling away, he told me that he thought he could get stronger and fight this cancer. His plan was to be better in about two weeks.
I want you to know that my father passed away peacefully in his sleep last Saturday. My sister and I were at his bedside. He was not in pain and he did not suffer. And it is befitting that his passing reminded me of a something I once read about President Teddy Roosevelt,
“Death had to take him when he was sleeping, for if he had been awake there would have been a fight.”
Today is not a commemoration of a death, but a celebration of a life. I look around the room and realize that the people here are a reflection of the life he lived and the lives he touched. My Dad’s generosity, hospitality, friendliness, adventurous spirit, and strong family loyalty will not soon be forgotten. He will live in our hearts as a guide, leading us towards greater wisdom and love. While he is gone from our sight, he will always be with us. As he is with us here today.
If you knew my father and would like to leave a message to the family, please feel free to do so here in the Comments Section below, or in the Legacy on-line guest book by clicking HERE. Thank you.
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