PHODOGRAPHER

As I sit at my computer in front of the picture window overlooking the lake, I think back to a year ago when my father sat right here by my side. It’s hard to comprehend just how much my family has endured over the course of the past year and how quickly one’s life can change in the blink of an eye.

Last year, I was so incredibly grateful for the opportunity we had over the Thanksgiving weekend to spend some very personal and private moments with my father, after he had been diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer the month prior. At that point, we had no idea where things were headed. He was still strong and courageous, and fighting the cancer with everything he had in him. We were hoping that he would respond to a special experimental treatment reserved for patients who met his profile. He did not. And then when he was with us that week, there were signs that he had begun to take a turn for the worse. Still, I am thankful we were together and for the ability to pick up on the subtle clues that something was not right. I certainly wish that I had been wrong when defying his doctors. But I know my dad well enough to know his personality and behaviors, and when I sensed something was amiss, I knew enough to persist. To push for tests I was advised were not necessary. To challenge medical professionals even though it was awkward and uncomfortable. To ask questions that seemed stupid or redundant. To understand the true nature of his condition in order to help prepare us all for what lie ahead. My worst fears were confirmed after a trip to the ER, and we laid him to rest just eight weeks later. Still, I am eternally grateful for those days we had together.

As I sit here now, I wish nothing more than to turn back the hands of time. Don’t we all, at some time in our lives. But short of having him here with us again, I can be thankful for the time we had and the memories we will always have. And I am truly thankful that I took the advice of others and documented our journey so that I would have that vivid memory in words and images that was created in the midst of it all. However raw it still feels to read my words a year later, I am so thankful that I took the time to put my thoughts and emotions somewhere where I could revisit them, (Grateful).

A year later, I am still thankful for that weekend in November, 2010. And to my husband and friends who gave me the strength and courage to make that weekend dream a reality, for you cannot imagine what truly went on behind the scenes for a daughter to have just three days alone with her father. I’m thankful for the perspective I gained through that incredibly difficult journey, the bonds amongst my siblings that were strengthened as a result of our shared experience, and the renewed appreciation I have for my family and friends.

Sitting here today, I’m thankful simply for the mild temperature on this winter day, just like we were blessed with a year ago when helping my father up the stairs. I’m more thankful than you could ever know that my family is together, that my boys are the best of friends despite the occasional bickering, and that they have grown up truly knowing the love of an animal, that my dogs cuddle together in a single dog bed even though we have two, that our kids still believe in the miracle of Santa, marvel at Christmas lights, enjoy Christmas Carols and are old enough to appreciate the joy of giving, that Chris allows the dogs to sleep with us (occasionally) even though he is allergic, that our kids make us laugh because they think its funny to impersonate a British accent, that my six-year old knit me a scarf using chopsticks, that in this day and age of electronic media my boys still like to stare me down over a deck of cards and say, “I’ll destroy you!”, that they have vivid memories of their Papa that we will fight to keep alive, that our lives allow us to pursue our passions and make a difference in our communities, that we’ve had a life together for nearly 14 years.

And each year I see my friendships grow, too, and my circle of friends expand through my network of friends, collegues and clients who care about animals as much as I do. Today we are enjoying a home cooked vegan meal prepared especially for us by a wonderful friend who we didn’t even know a year ago. Oh, how life changes in the course of a year. The ups, the downs, the good and the bad. It’s all life and it all molds us in ways we can’t even imagine. I am thankful for every single day and for every person in my circle. Thank you to my family, friends, colleagues, clients and furry friends who make me who I am and allow me to do what I love to do. Thank you, Dad, for being you, and for teaching me so much about life, love, honor and dignity.

For all of you, I am grateful.